facial hair

Every facial hair style communicates something about a man -- even if just to other bros.

So, I say different facial hair styles should try to communicate that you've accomplished a first in something: your first lay, your first fist fight, whatever.

• simple mustache: shows that you're one of us: confident
• bo-hawk: "like a bird in flight"; this is the trucker cut where the chin is shaven but the lambchops go up and around your mouth: it says you've been with a woman significantly younger than you.
• natural beard: no cut: you've had sex with an older woman.
• the dutchman: you've raised kids
• you've been in a fist fight
• you've been in a fight with weapons
• the hitler: you've killed people
• : you've performed cunnilingus.